Welp...herpes.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
