Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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