I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
