i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
