I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
