I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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