Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
