I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
