Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
