Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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