Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
