So drunk its hurt
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
