This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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