Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
