Plan B is the new Plan A
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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