dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
