We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
