Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
