I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
