And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
