DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Liz is crying about burritos again.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize