Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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