i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize