y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
