wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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