I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
