HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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