Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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