I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
