what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
My pussy is not your playground.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize