I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
