Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
