I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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