go do what you do best...puke behind churches
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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