Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
