all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i've created a new STD.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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