Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
