1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
