My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
