it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
