you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
