i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
