Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
