i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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