1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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