DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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