Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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