I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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