I cockslap morals
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
