Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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