We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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