omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
