why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
