Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
