Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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