In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
