I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
