are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
