What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
