Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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