So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
