As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
