It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
