If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Why is your signature on my underwear?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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