Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
im calling her cock vulture from now on
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
