whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
now i know why i became what i already was.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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