Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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